As I sit here on this Virgin Atlantic flight halfway across the world from my habitat of North Dublin, Ireland to the bright lights of Los Angeles and beyond I realise how much my life has changed in the last six months. And the strength a human soul truly has, an ability to stay strong, love, and break all at once.
Babies are crying. The person in front of me has their chairs wedged so far back my chin has a new place to rest itself. Chery [Fernadez-Versini] blares on my headphones. And I can’t sleep. Not atypical of my insomnia really, but being awake since 4am after 3 hours sleep, I thought I would be just a tab bit more fucked.
It seemed liked a good time so to break out the blog writing. After all what else is one to do when in a cylindrical tube for 12 hours?
It has been a long time since I last blogged. It all kind of became overwhelming for me. After six months of pouring my little gay heart out I was exhausted. I had gone from anonymous writer, to award winner, to column writer, to getting chatted up in clubs as “oh you’re the guy who wrote a piece about being gay in the paper.”
On top of it all my emotional being was torn asunder. I learned my parents, after 26 years of (what I thought was) strong marriage were separating. I finished college and found myself in a life limbo. I was one of the lucky ones who got a job, only to have my heart crushed at how difficult and emotionally draining my full time employment was.
It wasn’t all bad. The last six months also brought the most important person into my life, from wherever he has been hiding for the last 22 years. My boyfriend. He’s perfect. He’s drop dead gorgeous, he has an amazing sense of humour, is sarcastic as fuck, and best of all is as deeply in love with me as I him. I couldn’t ask for more. And it’s thanks to his strength and love and support that I’ve had the bravery to go on in what has been an extremely difficult time.
In the midst of all of these shenanigans I lost the run of myself and the blog which was helping me express my — albeit strong — opinions on LGBT life got lost. It all fell apart after a name change. Confessions of an Irish Gay Guy found itself with a loyal following, before genius here decided it was time for a rebrand. Introducing The Pride Pages. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made. My readership collapsed, my interactions dried up, and it all felt a bit useless. Add into the mix a boyfriend and a full time job and well, you get the picture.
But a bit like how Ms Fernadez-Versini is rising from the ashes like a Phoenix (thanks Conchita for that one), I believe it’s high time I did the same. After the collapse of my very rock, I have been embraced and welcomed into a new family and am ready to return to the thing that really makes me happy, writing for all of you. Whether it’s one person or 1,000, if my words only inspire a single person I believe my job has been successful.
So, without further ado I introduce to you, Little Gay. Big World. For I truly understand the scope of who I am in this big world now. No more “confessions.” No more news. Just me, myself and I. And the life of a single gay, in this very big world.
As I stated the human soul has a power unbeknownst to us on a physical level. No matter how much life throws shit at us, the soul has an ability to keep us strong and heal the scars. We are all only human, but it’s high time we all started living life now. It’s too fucking short to waste worrying.
21 years in and I realise this. I am looking forward to the next 21.
Irish Gay x