Everyone’s Getting in on the Fun This Pride

Straight dancing is ruining Pride’s street cred |Image: Comedy Central

Pride is one of the biggest and best times of the year for people’s of the LGBT Community. There are plays, shows, and of course the big fun parade which all take place during the festivities. Of course many straight people might feel left out. But have no fear, this pride, which starts tomorrow in Dublin is bringing out the best in everyone.

The satirical website Waterford Whispers News which publishes some of the most inappropriately funny fake news content on the web is joining the pride party to show everything the one thing that the LGBT Community are fearing may happen this pride parade; “Gay Pride Festival May Be Ruined By Straight People Who Can’t Dance For Shit.”

This is a plague which has dominated the LGBT Community for years. Some of the great excerpts from the article include’ “We all love this time of year, it really is great for us as a community and Ireland as a whole,” shared Niall Cullen, “but something has to be done about the STD problem.”

STD here doesn’t stand for Sexually Transmitted Disease however, but the much more chronic problem of Straight’s Terrible Dancing. It doesn’t affect everyone, with straight women not really suffering from this affliction. The problem tends to lie solely with heterosexual men, who when they hear a beat, can’t help but flail their arms and legs, in what can only be described as a seizure inducing fit.

This year “Safe Dancing Zones” will be introduced for straight people to dance in

Waterford Whispers News has even gone so far as to obtain footage “filmed as part of research as how to improve the Pride festival which captured endless instances of straight people trying to dance in an exuberant fashion only to come across looking as stiff as a corpse.”

It has led to hospitalisation of many straight people with nurse “Colleen Hughes” coming forward to say “You would be astonished at number of straight people we get in A & E following an attempt at dancing. It usually involves failure to put one foot in front of another.”

Waterford Whispers reports that as a result of this kind of image damage that “‘Safe dancing zones’ will be introduced to preserve the ‘street cred’ of the Pride festival. These safe zones will allow straight people dance in separate areas in which no filming of photography can take place.”

The article can be read in full here, and to everyone involved in Pride have a great two weeks and stay safe.

For more stories like this, stay up to date by following on twitter and tumblr.

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